Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
