I'm going to rape someone's good day.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
