look no pants
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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