Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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