12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize