can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
