I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
