im about as happy as oj after his trial
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
