Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
