6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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