um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
