did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
