Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
