Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
