shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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