The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
