we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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