White coat. Heels.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
