Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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