There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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