he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He did a backflip because drugs
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