you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
