He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize