The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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