I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize