The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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