I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
