So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
