so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
