Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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