All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
