Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
