I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
