My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
