i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
