its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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