i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
there is puke in my bra ... again
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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