i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize