come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
