i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize