While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
