Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
