gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
