my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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