I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
