I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
