a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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