he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
