Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
