did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
