I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Its about making memories worth repressing
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
