That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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