Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
