please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
