Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Will you blow on my dice?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
