You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize