I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
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