Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
