So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
