I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
smell my finger.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The adults are the big ones right?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
