also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Michael Bay diarrhea
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
