I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I could fuck to npr.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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