Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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