She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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