God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
