Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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